I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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