The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize