I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
