Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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