She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just crazy horny about you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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