there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You can't special order awesome
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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