Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
