What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
