I could make wine with my vomit
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
