the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
