the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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