Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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