So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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