is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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