I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
