I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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