I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
