He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize