so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize