okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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