She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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