why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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