Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
