OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
