Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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