It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
