Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
