So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
