I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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