I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
soo... how was my night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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