Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
