When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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