your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
