i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
