dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
