What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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