My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
