whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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