Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
