Taylor Swift is so right about you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
