Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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