Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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