mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
