he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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