Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
