Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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