I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize