Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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