I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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