Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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