So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
