I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
