thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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