apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
