this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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