Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sext me about skeletons
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
