Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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