No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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