He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize