What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
