I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
