he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
