Screwed.edu
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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