carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
