pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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