you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
