Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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