shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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