I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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