Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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