Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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